Why Did Tom Hanks Move to Greece?

The Greek Prime Minister posted this to his Instagram on Monday:

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Tom Hanks and his wife, Rita Wilson, “are now proud Greek citizens!”

Immediately, people on social media began asking questions, because it seems awfully strange that Hanks would just up and leave America at age 64. An apparent answer was found quickly: because in 2012, Greece classified pedophilia as a “disability”:

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It’s true:

Now, does that mean pedophilia is legal in Greece? I doubt it. But it’s fair to infer from the 2012 decision to classify pedophiles as disabled that the Greek government definitely takes a more permissive stance towards these monsters. After all, everyone knows how the Ancient Greeks were with that type of thing. . .

I tried searching for Greece’s laws on pedophilia but wasn’t able to find much of anything. But if Tom Hanks is moving Greece, it isn’t to collect disability. Obviously the guy has enough money. An abrupt move out of the country would be to avoid criminal charges, not to go on disability.

What makes this Hanks situation all the more suspicious is the absolute tidal wave of Mainstream Media “Fact Checks” against these Hanks-Greece-Pedophila rumors. A quick Google search of “tom hanks greece pedophilia” makes it clear that Google really, really, really doesn’t want you to believe that there’s any truth to those rumors. You run into a brick wall of “fact checks”:

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Fact check! Fact Check! Fact Check!

The Daily Beast REALLY doesn’t want you to entertain the idea:

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“You sickos” “SEEK HELP”

That headline reeks of desperation.

In recent months, rumors have been flying about a crackdown on Hollywood pedophiles happening behind the scenes, specifically Jimmy Kimmel, Oprah, Ellen Degeneres, Piers Morgan and even Steven Spielberg.

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Jimmy Kimmel’s show went on hiatus in June. He said he was going to just “take the summer off” to spend some time with his family. He said he “needs a couple months off.” Okay, that’s strange. Fallon is still on the air. Colbert is still on the air. All of his competitors are still doing their shows. Suspicious.

Stories are coming out about what an utter monster Ellen is–they’re calling her “The Queen of Mean”–presumably to serve as a cover story for her show going off the air. Those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head. I heard about this stuff earlier this month and can’t find the video I watched explaining it all.

There’s rumors that Ellen was doing her show from her house because she was secretly on house arrest and awaiting execution. Oprah, too. I don’t know what to make of it all.

Point is, Hollywood celebs like Tom Hanks don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt here.

Where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire.

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